I spent the week sympathizing with single moms.
My husband was gone for 5 days for work and I was left alone with both of my children.
Don't get me wrong - I loooooooove my babies. There is no one else in the world I would rather spend a week with than my babies.
The first two days I felt empowered. I thought, "Amazingly, I can do this."
God was CLEARLY sustaining me. I had energy. My house was clean. I made dinner. We played. We were adventuring!
And then the depth of being alone slammed into me.
Judah got sick. Aravis got cranky. I was suddenly worn down.
And, although my community of people would have come to my rescue if I had begged for relief, I was truly alone.
My job started at 6:15am when Judah woke up with a stuffy nose and didn't end until I hit the pillow at 9pm. I slept restlessly, with both of my children in my room. I woke up more tired than I had been when I passed out from exhaustion.
But, on Saturday morning at 12:30am, my husband came home.
And I am not alone anymore.
Which makes me ache for women who live the life that nearly leveled me.
I have a new respect for women who raise children alone because NOW I know that it doesn't matter who pitches in every now and then.
If you don't have a partner then you carry the heaviest burden in the world on your back.
There is no relief great enough. There is no REAL rest.
You, alone, are responsible for the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well-being of another human being.
And that is scary enough when someone else is in it with you.
If you are a single mom... or even a mom who might as well be single because you are doing everything on your own (I've been there too)... then know that right now, as I type this, I am lifting a plea to Jesus for help for you.
My hope is that you will be Divinely sustained through the hardest parts and sweetly comforted through the restful places.
My prayer is that you will be so connected to the Presence of God that your heart will find it's only home in Him.
I am praying blessings over your children and your home; blessings over your sleep and whatever time you find to be alone; blessings over your relationships; blessings over your mind and sanity; blessings over your need for a LIFE; blessings over you.
My firm, heartfelt belief is that God has created community to protect us, to strengthen us and to ignite hope in us.
May your community be a source of peace and strength for you; may they jump in to help you without being asked; may they pray for you and with you; may they encourage you and may you encourage them.
Pure grace and nothing but grace to you...
5 comments:
i know that losing my mind feeling well. thanks for identifying, empathizing, and writing about this topic. God is my only sustainer, and while i do live with my parents now, i know i will not always have them to rely on. and even now, i dont always have them around. so ...thank you. this blog meant a LOT to me.
~Shannon
I have been feeling this way lately. Like no matter how hard I work or love or clean there is no end in sight and I am facing it alone carrying it all. Even though I have a husbad who usualy helps more than mot fathers. I feel so alone in it all being a parent, wife, and just a women I don't know if I have ever felt this lost and out of place. I need to find that place were I just let go and trust god that it will be all be ok but it is so easy to say and I find it so much harder to do. What if I let go nd he lets everything fall apart and then I am truly alone?
Your children are his children. He loves them even more then you! Letting go will actually give you peace and freedom. As a single mom, this is what has sustained me. That He is going to completely step in and cover what I do not. He'll be their teacher, comforter, helper, etc.
Give yourself freedom to not have it all together. Find people you can share this stuff with. And learn to smile and laugh at it all.
I don't know if you just didnt get my first comment...but I wanted to say again how much I appreciated this blog post. I too have felt on the verge of insanity at times...or already there.. but it has brought me closer to God than I have ever been. Because i have truly had to depend on and rely on Him and only Him for what I truly need. So in this way, I am thankful that He has brought me to the end of myself and shown me a way to depend on Him fully - as a single mother, yes. But He has been teaching me, I am never alone. Emma is my physical, tangible 'proof' of that...
Thanks again for empathizing with us single moms. Love you! ;)
*anonymous*
it sounds to me like you can't get any more alone than you already are. i know that lost feeling. i know that fragile, walk on eggshells feeling. i have SO been the only person in my marriage, trying to hold LIFE together somehow. i think that, at some point, the question becomes clear and direct - what ARE we holding together? if we have to do all of the loving, all of the parenting, all of the directing and surrendering - is it really worth it? i'm not suggesting that marriage and parenting isn't worth it... but maybe the way of life that we've created isn't. i remember the first time i was starkly honest with my husband and told him that i just cannot continue to lead and heal and protect this family - he had to man up. he was shocked at first... and then he slowly started to wake up to the fact that i was carrying EVERYTHING on my own. i am praying for you right now that you will come to a place of strength and peace. i am praying that you will be confident in the hope that JESUS will sustain and guard over you - that no matter where life goes, you are safe and loved. i am praying for your rest. i am praying for your deliverance from the role that wasn't meant for you. no one is meant to carry EVERYTHING. i ache for you. your story is way to familiar for me to not FEEL it. please let Jesus speak to your heart and encourage you to be free. know that you are not alone. so not alone.
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