Love Is In The Action

This is one of those seasons in life when God is so clearly speaking.... and I am so clearly distracted.

Most nights I end up kicking myself because I've missed it.

Everywhere I turn the Spirit is whispering, revealing a fresh breath of life.

This is the first quiet, reflective moment I have had in weeks. This is the first time I've grabbed hold of silence and chosen to be internal, rather than external.
I've been busy and distracted and stubborn.

Here is proof:

A few months ago one of my closest friendships ended. It was ugly and painful. We both lost a lot in one conversation. We lost family and support and years of friendship. We also lost unhealthy patterns and frustration and a destructive silence.

Last week I saw her and was very surprised to learn that I felt nothing but love for her. I had expected resentment, defensiveness... maybe even anger.

Nope.

Not even a moment of anything but love...

Which made me a little freaked out.

I started trying to create bitterness towards her. I tried to think of things that would make me angry at her.... it's not like I didn't have enough ammunition...

And then I saw her again, a few days later.

Still... love.

Here is where my stubbornness creeps in...

I heard the Spirit stirring and whispering in me. So simple... "Go ask her if she needs help".

Nope.

Not gonna happen.

I actually HEARD God moving me forward and I was screaming back at Him, "NO!"

Then, with a single question, my selfish resolve crumbled.

My stubborn resistance shattered.

"What do you have to lose but your own self?"

So I stood up, shook off my fear and walked out of the room to where she was.

I asked her.

She said no.

For a moment we made eye contact and my heart broke.

I went back into the room...

And was flooded with truth, peace... revelation...

Why do I resist God?

Why do I think that poison and bitterness will protect me?

Is there ANYTHING in the Bible that tells us to build up strong walls around our hearts to keep people from hurting us?

What made me think that I was safe?

The next day I read 1 John 3:18.

"Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth."

The Bible is overflowing with words about love... love protects us, covers our sin, frees us from fear, rescues us, redeems us...

But love is more than words. If we just talk about it then we are empty ... "a banging gong or a clanging cymbal".

Love has to be LIVED.

Love has to be in our actions.

Love has to be in the truth that surrounds us and saturates us.

I feel like today I am closing a door.

The last few months have been overwhelming.

I have been selfish and cold.

I've allowed myself to be distracted by everything.

But this morning, I can say that all this time God has been working something deep and
profound in me.

I have been wrestling with God.

And I am leaving this place changed... different.

Because everywhere I turn love is being spoken; the message of truth is sinking into my life, no matter how hard I fight it.

I am learning something new.

I can love people, taking hold of the gift of being free from resentment and anger.

I can hope for reconciliation... not restoration of friendship necessarily, but reconciliation of peace.

So, thank you, Jesus! I don't love revealing my flesh, but i DO love revealing your mercy!