Rest

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."
Isaiah 30:15

This is what happens: I get moving. I DO things. I sweep the floors, I wash the dishes (since I don't have a dishwasher), I change diapers, I make meals, I make bottles, I make beds, I vacuum carpets, I water plants, I do laundry, I dust, I clean bathrooms, I pick up toys, I enforce nap times (with children who think they shouldn't HAVE to sleep... EVER), I teach yoga, I run errands, I drop off and pick up from school.

I DO.

And I never rest.

Partly because, like I said, my children don't rest.

Partly because I don't know how to anymore.

Which leads me to days like yesterday... and today...

I am worn thin.

I can feel my strength crumbling.

I can sense my patience washing away.

I really just want to stay in bed all day.

Does anyone REALLY do that anymore?

My brother does... at least he stays in bed till 2pm some days.

But do parents ever really rest?

Isaiah was talking about ME.

If I would stop, turn around and rest I would be saved.

If I would be quiet and trust that God knows exactly what I need I would find strength.

But I would have none of it.

I haven't stopped and stilled myself before God.

I haven't even searched for rest!

I've been complaining that I am drowning, yet pushing away the life raft!

I've been whining that this isn't fair...

I've been very self absorbed.

And it's only now, that I am SO lost and tired, that I am remembering that I don't HAVE to reach this point.

So today this is my goal:

To turn my heart back towards Jesus.

To rest.

To be quiet.

And to trust.

Salvation...

Strength...