I'm standing on fountains and waves of moments.
Beneath my feet is a sheet of glass.
The world is so transparent and clear...
I can see through it.
And that is what is frightening.
This ocean of life is trembling underneath me.
And, though clear, it is deep.
Though I stand over it,
It rises up under me.
Dark skies sit on top of me.
Wind, like a hurricane, beats against me from every side.
Fear, like a beast, grips my throat.
I choke on my humanity.
I cannot take one more step.
I cannot face the consequences of slipping through the sheet of glass.
The clear water below laps over my feet and asks for my life.
Who I have been, Who I am, dances and glides through the depths below.
My blood rushes through my veins like the hurricane over my body.
All I can hear is my heart pounding in my ears.
And then You whisper.
It's not that the wind grows silent or my fear dormant.
It's just that you whisper.
As you have been whispering.
It's the wind that carries your voice into my soul.
The sound is sweet and the words are tender,
"Your faith is fragile...."
"Don't you know who I Am yet?"
And then it seems silly that I am frightened by the massive ocean of life beneath me.
It seems small that I am bullied by the wind.
When this is actually nothing for you.
Why shouldn't the One who formed every drop of water command it to be firm beneath my feet?
Storm or no storm, I stand.
On a sheet of glass or thick concrete, I walk.
Blinded by tears or embraced by glory, I live.
Strong or weak, I breath.
I breath.
2 comments:
You are probably my only real connection to God right now.. i just wanted you to know. Reading about your journey and with the way you use words,...makes the hairs on my body stand on end...gives me goosebumps every time. I feel His presence in your words. I dont feel Him in any other place right now... I dont know what i did, but I cannot feel Him anywhere anymore.
Paul says that it doesnt depend on our desire or effort, but on God's mercy. so, from the place of having experienced a deep spiritual desert, i want you to know that God isnt silent because of something you've done. if you are hungering and thirsting, it's because you are on a threshold. so keep hungering. keep finding him where you can. cling to truth and build yourself in the word of God... whether you are aware of his presence or not. i am very familiar with what seems like an absence of presence. pete greig says that this is simply God on mute. he's still connected, still listening. but, for whatever reason, he is waiting out this season. i'm pretty sure that that reason is always for deliverance. God was silent for 400 years with the Hebrews. nothing. not a word. and then THE word; Jesus began to speak. Jesus is the Afikomen; the bread from the Passover that is hidden away and then found again. he is the bread of life. and he WILL be found in you again. my heart's cry for you is that you will be faithful; that you will be led by your hunger into a desert of connection. when the enemy comes to tempt you into falling back into what is comfortable, my prayer is that you stand firm, wrapped in the Word of God. you WILL find that the Holy Spirit then comes to minister to you with teaching and healing.
i wish i knew who you are. but i AM praying for you. press on, my friend and be free.
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