Seriously

Through my entire pregnancy I have told myself (and anyone who asked) that I'm not concerned with my estimated due date. After all, it is an ESTIMATED due date for a reason, right?

Well, now that all THREE of my "estimated" due dates have come and gone I am really, really angry. There's no other way to explain it. I'm pissed. According to my absolute latest due date I am now 6 days "overdue". Which makes me feel like I have overcooked the turkey.

I'm still in "early" labor - contracting, losing my mucous plug (sorry if that's too much for you), nauseous... and having many, many other symptoms of "impending" active labor. But the hard part hasn't kicked in yet. I'm in liminal space; the space of betwixt and between. I'm on the threshold, just waiting for something to push me over the edge and into the beautiful, agonizing birthing contractions that will bring Daisy from my womb and into my life.

Last night I bounced so hard on the ball I almost fell off. I raged against my uncooperative uterus and my stubborn daughter. I yelled at my husband for telling me that my body IS working. I googled "has anyone ever NOT gone into labor" and found NOTHING. I got up to pee in the middle of the night and told God, over and over again, how angry I am that I'm still pregnant. I woke up this morning still angry and demanding that this is MY body and Daisy MUST vacate it.

I'm still pregnant. Still having contractions that make me want to scream because they hurt like HELL and are STILL too far apart.

Tonight there is a full lunar eclipse - full moon and all. I've read that a full moon can make a woman's water break if she is far enough along. I'm planning on it. I'm willing the moon to pull on the water in my womb and make that damn thing pop.

I fully believe that God created ALL of creation to work in harmony and it totally makes sense to me that he would have included this ability in the moon's functions.

So, I'm not getting off this ball until the moon decides to do it's job and my body decides to GET IT TOGETHER. I'm not even afraid anymore. Just super angry. I am DONE being pregnant. Done.