I believe that women are forced to join one of two groups:
The Feminists: To belong here we have to believe that men have so wronged women that women must now become better than men. We have to push and shove and belittle to create a space for ourselves. But are we safe here? Are we protected? Are we really even ALIVE?
The Submissive Wives: To belong to this group we have to believe that God intended for women to bow to the superior authority of men. We have to allow our hearts to be led into an unchallengeable fortress and abandoned there. But, even HERE, are we safe? Are we protected? Are we really even ALIVE?
I suggest that we start a new group; that we, as women, empowered by the life-giving Spirit of God, truly stand up for justice, for love, for mercy – and take a STAND for what is holy, and honorable, and RIGHT. We don’t need to take a stand OVER men. We don’t need to bow down UNDER men. We need to take our place NEXT to men.
I understand that what I am saying is not new. I have heard women whispering these words over and over again. But who is going to take the lead? Who is going to enforce change? What does change even LOOK like?
I am married to a man who has been in pursuit of Jesus almost his whole life. I have close girlfriends married to men with similar life experiences. I also have a girlfriend whose husband is wrestling with God… I would even say he is AFRAID of God.
Here is the thing – we are all in the same place. We ALL feel lost, abandoned, ignored and uncertain. We ALL feel hopeless.
Why?
How can I live with a man, sleep next to him, raise kids with him, go on dates with him, attend marriage classes with him, and TALK to him everyday, yet still feel like we are strangers?
How is it POSSIBLE to exist here for so long?
Let me give you some personal history.
I was born into a godly home.
I have 2 brothers.
My parents are still married … HAPPILY married, in fact.
I have struggled, off and on, with depression for as long as I can remember.
When I was 21 I tried to kill myself. I waited until my roommate was gone, then I locked the door to the apartment, swallowed a handful of Tylenol pm and waited to die.
It was my abusive ex-boyfriend who saved my life. More like, it was JESUS using someone who had previously destroyed me to rescue me.
This was the most significant encounter in my life.
While I was alone in the apartment I felt my legs go numb.
Then my arms.
I drifted in and out of sleep.
My internal struggle wouldn’t let me go. I couldn’t even just DIE.
Here is the BEAUTY in the midst of this intense darkness…
Jesus.
Just Jesus.
Tangible.
It was the only time in my life that my spiritual eyes SAW him. I felt one hand on my stomach and one hand on my head.
I have never been as certain of ANYTHING as I was of the presence of God that night.
2 weeks later I finally considered his presence.
Why was he there? Why didn’t he turn away?
God, in his glory, sitting still with me in the middle of my sin?
God being present in my darkest place?
God TOUCHING me while I tried to extinguish the life that HE placed in me?
This is why…
Jesus willingly laid himself on that cross. He surrendered to the nails. He surrendered to the humiliation. He surrendered to the lies. He simply surrendered.
Jesus took on my selfishness, my lonliness, my sinful and dark heart. Jesus did this, not only to draw me into eternal life, but so that I would never be alone.
So that I will NEVER be alone.
Can I remember that now?
As I face every mundane day feeling ignored, invisible and crushed, can I remember that he is just as present now as he was then?
The psalmist is clear…
Once again I'll go over what God has done, lay out on the table the ancient wonders; I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished, and give a long, loving look at your acts. O God! Your way is holy! No god is great like God! You're the God who makes things happen; you showed everyone what you can do (psalm 77)
We have to look back; look at our lives. Remember when we were truly at the end of our ropes. Remember when we were afraid. Remember when we were lost.
We have no choice but to cling to the robe of the King who has always sustained us!
Freedom is not the absence of trouble. It is not relief from hardship.
In freedom, we STILL wrestle with God and with each other.
Freedom is not in fighting for our rights.
Freedom is not in demanding that the world give in to our demands.
Freedom is not in laying down our humanity to take on the shell of a “righteous woman”.
Freedom is not in submitting to our husbands (or leaders) when they are wrong or selfish.
Freedom is the hope that we find in Jesus.
BECAUSE we have HOPE in Jesus we set our feet firmly on that holy hill. We set our hearts on this ONE thing: finding our lives in the hands of Jesus.
My hope is that we, as women, learn how to strengthen and encourage the men we love, not to get them to do what we want them to, but to see them COME ALIVE again!
But the only way that can happen is if we KNOW where we stand.
Men are MADE to protect.
As human beings we are ALL inspired by a story of a hero.
We are moved by the image of a man rising up to defend, to guard, to provide.
Why do you think so much of our FICTION is based on that God-given purpose?!
We are universally violated by a story of a man who is weak and selfish and evil.
We are universally motivated by the story of a man who will die to rescue a stranger.
(I personally believe that every encounter with a human hero strikes an internal chord in us to cling to the Divine Hero)
WOMEN are made to balance.
We see what is unhealthy and what is healthy.
We see what is dangerous and what is safe.
We see what brings life and what bring death.
Unfortunately we have ALL been trained to crush who we are made to be.
Men work hard all day long (usually at very unsatisfying jobs).
They come home and expect to relax.
Even if they help with the kids or the house, it isn’t “their” job.
They are told that women are weak and emotional.
So they resent women.
And emotions.
The Feminists: To belong here we have to believe that men have so wronged women that women must now become better than men. We have to push and shove and belittle to create a space for ourselves. But are we safe here? Are we protected? Are we really even ALIVE?
The Submissive Wives: To belong to this group we have to believe that God intended for women to bow to the superior authority of men. We have to allow our hearts to be led into an unchallengeable fortress and abandoned there. But, even HERE, are we safe? Are we protected? Are we really even ALIVE?
I suggest that we start a new group; that we, as women, empowered by the life-giving Spirit of God, truly stand up for justice, for love, for mercy – and take a STAND for what is holy, and honorable, and RIGHT. We don’t need to take a stand OVER men. We don’t need to bow down UNDER men. We need to take our place NEXT to men.
I understand that what I am saying is not new. I have heard women whispering these words over and over again. But who is going to take the lead? Who is going to enforce change? What does change even LOOK like?
I am married to a man who has been in pursuit of Jesus almost his whole life. I have close girlfriends married to men with similar life experiences. I also have a girlfriend whose husband is wrestling with God… I would even say he is AFRAID of God.
Here is the thing – we are all in the same place. We ALL feel lost, abandoned, ignored and uncertain. We ALL feel hopeless.
Why?
How can I live with a man, sleep next to him, raise kids with him, go on dates with him, attend marriage classes with him, and TALK to him everyday, yet still feel like we are strangers?
How is it POSSIBLE to exist here for so long?
Let me give you some personal history.
I was born into a godly home.
I have 2 brothers.
My parents are still married … HAPPILY married, in fact.
I have struggled, off and on, with depression for as long as I can remember.
When I was 21 I tried to kill myself. I waited until my roommate was gone, then I locked the door to the apartment, swallowed a handful of Tylenol pm and waited to die.
It was my abusive ex-boyfriend who saved my life. More like, it was JESUS using someone who had previously destroyed me to rescue me.
This was the most significant encounter in my life.
While I was alone in the apartment I felt my legs go numb.
Then my arms.
I drifted in and out of sleep.
My internal struggle wouldn’t let me go. I couldn’t even just DIE.
Here is the BEAUTY in the midst of this intense darkness…
Jesus.
Just Jesus.
Tangible.
It was the only time in my life that my spiritual eyes SAW him. I felt one hand on my stomach and one hand on my head.
I have never been as certain of ANYTHING as I was of the presence of God that night.
2 weeks later I finally considered his presence.
Why was he there? Why didn’t he turn away?
God, in his glory, sitting still with me in the middle of my sin?
God being present in my darkest place?
God TOUCHING me while I tried to extinguish the life that HE placed in me?
This is why…
Jesus willingly laid himself on that cross. He surrendered to the nails. He surrendered to the humiliation. He surrendered to the lies. He simply surrendered.
Jesus took on my selfishness, my lonliness, my sinful and dark heart. Jesus did this, not only to draw me into eternal life, but so that I would never be alone.
So that I will NEVER be alone.
Can I remember that now?
As I face every mundane day feeling ignored, invisible and crushed, can I remember that he is just as present now as he was then?
The psalmist is clear…
Once again I'll go over what God has done, lay out on the table the ancient wonders; I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished, and give a long, loving look at your acts. O God! Your way is holy! No god is great like God! You're the God who makes things happen; you showed everyone what you can do (psalm 77)
We have to look back; look at our lives. Remember when we were truly at the end of our ropes. Remember when we were afraid. Remember when we were lost.
We have no choice but to cling to the robe of the King who has always sustained us!
Freedom is not the absence of trouble. It is not relief from hardship.
In freedom, we STILL wrestle with God and with each other.
Freedom is not in fighting for our rights.
Freedom is not in demanding that the world give in to our demands.
Freedom is not in laying down our humanity to take on the shell of a “righteous woman”.
Freedom is not in submitting to our husbands (or leaders) when they are wrong or selfish.
Freedom is the hope that we find in Jesus.
BECAUSE we have HOPE in Jesus we set our feet firmly on that holy hill. We set our hearts on this ONE thing: finding our lives in the hands of Jesus.
My hope is that we, as women, learn how to strengthen and encourage the men we love, not to get them to do what we want them to, but to see them COME ALIVE again!
But the only way that can happen is if we KNOW where we stand.
Men are MADE to protect.
As human beings we are ALL inspired by a story of a hero.
We are moved by the image of a man rising up to defend, to guard, to provide.
Why do you think so much of our FICTION is based on that God-given purpose?!
We are universally violated by a story of a man who is weak and selfish and evil.
We are universally motivated by the story of a man who will die to rescue a stranger.
(I personally believe that every encounter with a human hero strikes an internal chord in us to cling to the Divine Hero)
WOMEN are made to balance.
We see what is unhealthy and what is healthy.
We see what is dangerous and what is safe.
We see what brings life and what bring death.
Unfortunately we have ALL been trained to crush who we are made to be.
Men work hard all day long (usually at very unsatisfying jobs).
They come home and expect to relax.
Even if they help with the kids or the house, it isn’t “their” job.
They are told that women are weak and emotional.
So they resent women.
And emotions.
They give up their deep, internal compass.
They get lost.
They suffocate.
Women are taught to either give up or fight to the death.
Most women in the church (AND out of it) are living hopeless, loveless lives.
Why?
Because the most important thing a woman can do is serve her husband? Lift him up?
Wrong.
The most important thing a woman can do for her husband is inspire him to come alive!
The most important thing a woman can do IN LIFE, is allow Jesus, and ONLY Jesus, to define her worth, her value, her hope and her purpose.
Can you imagine how powerful a FREE woman would be?!
Can you imagine a woman who does not bend to either set of rules?
Can you imagine a woman who throws herself at the mercy of Jesus and lets everything else in her life flow out of that pure surrender?!
Can you imagine a woman who is not afraid of what would happen if she stopped manipulating and controlling her husband?
Can you imagine a woman who doesn’t NEED her husband to affirm her, but who is capable of receiving it when he does?
Can you imagine a woman who can walk with dignity NO MATTER what the circumstances of her life are?
Can you imagine a woman who is free enough to release her husband into the hands of God, no matter what that means for her?
Hello!!
THIS is who I say we become.
7 comments:
I have to be the first to comment:
AMEN.
Amen, amen, amen. I love you, sister!!
This is the beginning of something. We are called to be free, even when we are in the most pain we can imagine and even when that pain is caused by the one we love the most.
We as women hold the key to unlocking our husbands from their self-imposed prison of looking outward. Just one of the reasons that god said it is not good for man to be alone. Without us, they are alone in the solitary confinement of life.
I believe their are so many dark and closed off spaces of a mans heart and we are called to "help" them find their way through those dark places. They don't need to hear "Hey honey, I am okay with this darkness because I have Jesus." They need to hear "Hey, how about we turn the light on that is right over there." The light that they can't see due to their focus that is outward moving saying "If I do this, then this darkness will pass, or if I become this, then this darkness will pass, if I nail that job, then this darkness will pass...."
Their hearts ultimately belong to Jesus, but we are as tangible as they are going to get to loving them like Jesus. Not bowing to them as our God.
I seek to please my God, not my husband.
May God speak to all of us who visit this site. That as we wrestle with the issues we are asking God to speak, not just to hear our own senseless chatter. May this site move us somewhere closer to God then where we were yesterday.
yes! because it is NEVER about covering up flesh or sin for them! it is ALWAYS about pointing out that there IS light! we work TOGETHER to learn to live like Jesus!! that is the thing that makes my skin crawl! women are so decieved by certain beliefs that are being shoved down their throats! we don't just watch them DIE in sin and not say anything! we don't create a comfortable place for them to wither away! we FIGHT for each other! we bring balance and truth into our marriages!!! this is the DIVINE call on women - to utilize the STRENGTH and COURAGE that we are BORN with!
Ok, so what if I said Jesus is about being free enough to share your story in Him so that I could see my story in Him? Thank you for this blog. The Lord is in, for and about each one of us. Regaurdless of exact circumstance, He is. ...and that is sufficent.
I am free. Free to live, free to breathe, free to seek, free to be weak, free to dream and free to be clean (i am a bit ocd myself, but that is not he clean I am talking about here!)
If I could sum my life up in just one word, it would be simply...Jesus.
i am SO inspired! "HE IS and that is sufficient!"
Re-reading this first post again, I am reminded of how my husband responds to Braveheart. He could watch this movie day in and day out. And every time, he gets to inspired. He even gets emotional watching the passion and fervor, determination and intention with which William Wallace fights and defends.
That's FICTION based on FACT. That INSPIRES.
I get inspired by braveheart!! It is one of the most inspirational movies out there! There is an adventure, a battle and a beauty! I can definitly see that ANY man would feel a stirring of what is placed in them from the very beginning while watching braveheart. PERFECT example of truth found foating out in the world!
Post a Comment