Intention

I am learning to love intentionally.

There is a song that says, "Love is easy when you're loved. But do you curse another when you're alone?"

Ah yes.

This is the struggle.

This is the heart cry of every human being that was, is, and is yet to be.

We love when we are loved.

When we are NOT loved, we cease to love.

Something new is introduced to our sweet, fragile love.

Hurt.

Anger.

Betrayal.

Loneliness.

Sadness.

Soul hunger.

Love is not as simple as it should have been.

What once was glorious and blossoming is now wilted around the edges.

It is only natural to react.

Generally our response is to shrink back; to draw inward and protect our now battered hearts.

Now, this scenario I have learned to surrender to Jesus through.

After a lifetime of pulling back and defending myself, I have learned (in most cases) to love anyway.

And I have learned that love is not weak.

Love is the strongest hero of all time.

Love sees the outpouring of hurt and rejection and lifts us up over it.

Love never lets us drown.

Love keeps us dry and secure in the fury of any storm.

Love benefits me us much as it benefits the person we choose to love.

But here is where I am still wrestling: When I am tired and worn out I don't want to love anymore.

When I am at the end of myself, I really just want to be left alone.

I hate expectations and demands.

And I am the mother of two small, demanding, expecting children.

I do not have the luxury of pulling the covers up over my head and fading out the world for a day.

When I am tired, I am still a mommy.

When I have nothing left to give, I still have to find a way to give.

And early this week I felt myself sinking down into a little hole.

I was irritated and frustrated.

I just wanted to be left alone.

So, laying on the floor in a Holy Yoga class, I made a choice.

I choose to make love my intention.

For just that day, I was going to choose to love first and love often.

Whatever that looked like - I was going to make sure that my kids were loved that day.

I made this decision knowing that my house would probably be trashed by the end of my experiment.

And, if you know me, you know that this was a big sacrifice to make.

But I love my kids more than I love my need for order.

Now, at the end of the week, my kids are so overflowing with love; I am overflowing with energy and joy; and my house is spotless.

I had expected this week to be hard and painful.

But Jesus, in his incredible mercy, has restored ME and filled me in an unimaginable way.

Love is our choice.

If we only love the lovable, our love never has to grow and it stays small and frail.

Loving the difficult, the demanding, and unreasonable stretches our capacity to love.

We grow stronger and deeper.

We come alive.

We are filled.

My daughter ends every story not with "the end", but with "and then".

The story never ends.

There is always a new page to fill; a new character to rise up; a new adventure to ignite our hearts.

Love is our story.

Love is our beginning and it has no end.

It fills the pages of our hearts and inspires us to be more; to reach higher.

Love.

And then...