Tarshish and Nineveh

I've been thinking about forgiveness a LOT.

In my opinion forgiveness is a narrow ledge and one could easily jump off of either side.

The "sides" being either a false, forced response that only generates bitterness and resentment, or a numbed response that is easy to give because you don't feel ANYTHING.

But in the very center of these two cliff dives there rests a very narrow and hard traveled road of the choice of forgiveness.

This is the forgiveness I have been contemplating.

Because I want to forgive some people who have crushed me. I want to make a firm, surrendered choice to be free... and to allow those wounding people freedom.

I can't imagine that forgiveness should only be given when it is asked for. An acknowledgment of wrongdoing certainly makes it EASIER to make the choice of forgiveness, but the choice doesn't hinge on anyone else's actions.

Forgiveness comes from the heart. Only from the heart.

Today I listened to a sermon by Shane Hipps called the God of Nineveh. Shane painted a new, and strikingly beautiful, portrait from the story of Jonah. (I fully recommend finding it on itunes and listening to it yourself! It's THAT good).

God asked Jonah to go to Nineveh, a country that was dark and Godless. And he simply wanted Jonah to name what was happening there.

But instead Jonah tried to travel to Tarshish to escape the Presence of God. Shane points out that Tarshish is in Spain and was considered paradise. It was beautiful and comfortable. If the Presence of God were going to be lacking somewhere... it probably wasn't in Tarshish.

Tarshish is the place we go when we are trying to escape God. It can be anything.... alcohol, a relationship, pornography, drugs, food, entertainment, etc. It could also be something that CAN be a good and fruitful thing... until we try to use it to escape God.

Nineveh is the darkness. It is the poverty of our own souls and of the world we live in. Nineveh is the thing that we do not want to face. We don't want to name it.

And God didn't ask Jonah to go make things better in Nineveh. He didn't ask him to fix anything. He just wanted Jonah to go to Nineveh, to enter the darkness, and name it. He wanted the sadness, the shame, the sickness, the sin to be exposed. That's it.

Because only God can bring light into the darkness. Only God can set the prisoners free.

Shane suggests that we all ask ourselves two questions...

What is your Tarshish?

and...

Are you aware of your Nineveh?

He also says this...

"We've learned to settle for surface pleasure instead of ocean deep peace. We've learned to accept and settle for the wispy cliche of happiness instead of this immovable, indestructible joy. We've done this because we don't know there is a difference between the two. And the difference is vast."

The difference is vast.

To know the difference between what is a surface pleasure and what is an ocean deep peace we MUST travel through the darkness. We must face Nineveh and we must name it.

And then we must shut up. Rather than try to organize a way out, we must let grief and repentance swell to the very top. Because only God can bring light into the darkness. Only God.

In all of my reflections I can say that my joy lacks depth because I keep expecting the surface pleasure, the band aids slapped on my soul, to sink deep. And they wont.

Because the difference is vast.

And my journey through the darkness over the last few years has been exposing one single thing.

God is in Nineveh. God is in the dark, despised corners of my heart. He is in the very center of my sorrow.

And as Shane says, behind the locked doors of our lives...

There nestled in among the shame, sin, sickness and sorrow is the Creator of the Universe relaxed and at home. Not the least bit offended, surprised or fearful.

Because freedom comes, not by traveling around the darkness, but by traveling through it.

And God is in Nineveh, unsurprised. Unoffended. Just waiting for us to name the sadness. Just waiting for us to stop trying to run to other things. Just waiting for us to make the choice.

And sometimes the first footprint we make in the dust of Nineveh is forgiveness.

Yes, I've been abused and forgotten. But rather than run from it.... I must face it. I must name it. And then I must shut up...