Balance... again....

Balance. Balance. Balance.

I write those words almost monthly.

If there is one consistent pattern in my life it is this:

I am frequently finding myself out of balance.

The more aware I become of myself - both inwardly and outwardly - the more aware I become of the need to be balanced.

And, just when I think I've mastered the delicate arrangement of balancing my life, I realize that I am off kilter again.

And so the pattern repeats.

Balanced and unbalanced.

Sometimes I am peaceful and completely in sync with the life I am living; I am joyfully satisfied as a mama, as a wife, as a photographer, as a Holy Yoga practitioner, as a teacher, as a co-bearer of the responsibilities of planet earth. I breathe fresh air no matter where I am and I soak in the beauty of just being.

And sometimes I am discontent and anxious; I struggle to move my body and my spirit. I am easily frustrated and am prone to isolation. Everything around me is stale and gray.

Right now I am somewhere in between. I am sitting on a threshold, so aware of what lies behind me and not quite certain of what stretches before me. But I am fully and completely aware of the fact that I am internally dizzy.

I don't have my balance.

I am learning to be small. I am learning to be taught rather than teach. I am learning to set aside the things I think SHOULD be done in order to connect with my family. I am learning to forgive when I really want to be angry. I am learning to admit when I am wrong and to ask for forgiveness.

Somewhere in there, in the dark stillness of my threshold, lies balance.

And I NEED balance.