New Life

I guess I just have babies every three years.

December to March is the most expensive and celebratory time of year for our family - Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries! And THIS year, we are adding another celebration to our busy season - more than that, we're adding to our Village.

Early in December I will, yet again, do one of the most sacred and organic things - I'll give birth to our third baby.

JOY. Such JOY.

My last pregnancy was pretty awful. My marriage was suffering, my life was miserable. I hated every second of it. Thank God for Judah because he made it worth it, but I had sworn to NEVER go through such sorrow and shifting again.

Thankfully, God has other plans and has healed so many of the wounds from that time in our lives. My husband has been a ROCKSTAR - working his ass off to do this RIGHT. He has been supportive, compassionate, and so generous.

My kids are excited and desperate to see their new sibling NOW.

And I am sick. Morning sickness is not my friend. Although, this time around I find myself extremely thankful for every wave of nausea.

I want to really experience and enjoy this pregnancy. I don't think I've ever enjoyed pregnancy. I've enjoyed my children - and I'm addicted to that first little flutter, the sign that baby is jumping around in my womb. But PREGNANCY has made me miserable.

THIS time I want to be IN each moment, rejoicing in this unexpected gift.

One of the things I am anticipating the most is the home birth. This will be my first home birth, but I feel like I've proven to myself that I can do it. I've had two natural births in the hospital and, both times, I felt such a longing to be home with my family, in my own space.

My mom had both of my brothers at home. I was even able to see my youngest brother come into life when I was eight years old. I sat on my parent's bed, next to my little brother, and watched my mama squatting on the floor while she birthed our littlest joy. It was AWESOME.

Even then, I felt such joy and awe at watching life enter the world. Nothing about it was gross or uncomfortable. I have enjoyed every birth I have witnessed since then. And now I get to follow my mama's footsteps and have this baby here at home.

We truly are a village - we live with my parents, my brother, and my brother's friend (not to mention 3 dogs).

This village is in for a fun 9 months! :)

The Threshold

water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind. there's no one like you. none like you. Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise. there is no one like you. none like you. our God is greater. our God is stronger. God you are higher than any other. our God is Healer. awesome in power. our God. our God...

-chris tomlin

This is THE Saturday.

The Saturday between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday.

And this year, Saturday is the most significant for me... not that either Friday or Sunday is INsignificant...

It's just that Saturday is clearly liminal space. We stand on a threshold, hearts in our throats, waiting....

Waiting...

The old has gone. The government of condemnation lies lifeless at our feet.

There must be SOMETHING...

We wait expectantly for the new government to rise like a cloud of dust in the distance.

We watch without ceasing... like Elijah on the mountaintop we tuck our heads between our knees and we groan, we travail.

There must be a cloud in the distance SOMEWHERE. There MUST be a sign that this long, debilitating drought is ending.

We stand in the middle. The grave is closed; the Hope is neatly wrapped and buried.

We wait in the darkness. Silent.

Saturday is a century.

And we grieve. We mourn our loss.

We replay the thrill of the promise. We analyze every word. We consider the price we've paid to go this Way.

And we just keep waiting. Still not understanding.

Saturday is not Friday. The day of loss has closed behind us.

And Saturday is not yet Sunday. The day of glory and joy has not yet burst into a blazing dawn.

This is Saturday.

And on Saturday we wait. We hope. We mourn. We shake off the dead weight of the old way.

Tomorrow all things will be made new.

The New Way will open up before us. The season of singing will blossom beneath our feet. We will drink in fresh, clean air. We will stand on the threshold of the tomb and blink into the light of day. We will shake off the grave clothes...

Tomorrow...

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died... Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:14&17