We Are That Woman

I've been thinking a lot about the story of Hannah. I just keep thinking about what it would be like to be her.

I went back to re-read 1 Samuel and realized that Hannah was Elkanah's first wife. The other woman - the one who had many children while Hannah had none - was his second wife.

Which meant that Hannah was meant to produce an heir.

At some point it was just Elkanah and Hannah. Just the two of them in love. It says that Elkanah loved Hannah. She was the woman he had every intention of growing old with.

I picture the shame that Hannah must have felt as years passed without ever becoming pregnant.

And the sorrow she must have felt when Elkanah took another wife to do what she could not do.

And the humiliation when that second wife became pregnant.

Hannah's position as wife was stripped from her. She was inadequate. She was not enough.

I can feel her distress as she cries out to God, "If only you would remove the thing that has made me inadequate! If only you would take away my shame by changing me - changing the condition of my body!"

Ah Hannah. Most women, most wives, have felt your sorrow.

If we are honest we will admit that we have been replaced by SOMETHING. We have been set aside and we have carried the shame of being not enough.

I remember a woman, who had served her husband faithfully and fully, saying to me once, "I was never anyone's favorite. My sisters were favored over me. And now, I'm still nobody's favorite. My husband loves golf more than me."

And, with a great exhale, we all say... "I know how you feel..."

I have lived in Hannah's hell. I have spent my energy on trying to be different. I have allowed the taunting voice of my husband's distractions to define me and break me. But I have also cried out to God.

I have come in deep distress to the throne of the Living God.

And I'm not done yet.

Let me tell you - you are not your partners failures.

You are not a product of their distraction or of their divided heart.

Whether or not you are their favorite...

You are worth it. You ARE enough.

Because God has not formed a single human being who was worth nothing - who was only destined for sorrow and rejection.

Everything hinges on the love of God.

Even a distraught woman's soulful scream.

Maybe, in some ways, we're all Hannah at some point...