The Invisible Woman

Have you ever felt completely invisible?

Have you ever felt overlooked?

Have you ever been set aside for the sake of "ministry"?

I couldn't even COUNT the times that I have been invisible, overlooked and placed on the altar of ministry.

But I CAN tell you the first time it happened.

We had been married for 2 months.... 2 stressful months I might add.

Joe was asked to take a group of kids to Spirit West Coast in San Diego and we thought that it would be FUN.

So, we got to the church and the kids started showing up.

As the crowd got larger, I got smaller.

I think he would have left without me if I hadn't been paying attention.

Literally, I ceased to exist.

As the van pulled out of the church parking lot, I felt my heart sink.

By the time we were on the freeway I was crying.

Quietly.

He didn't see me.

He didn't acknowledge me.

I'm not sure why I was even there.

The entire trip went this way.

If I told the girls they couldn't do something, he told them they could.

When it was time to go to the event he just disappeared with a group of kids.

When I told the kids not to swim at a beach with a sign posted warning people NOT to swim there because the water was contaminated with human waste, he said, "sure! jump in!"

Two kids got sick.

He didn't even notice when another guy leader (in a completely non-creepy way) saw that I was feeling abandoned and alone and offered to take our groups together to the next event.

Seriously. Another guy was cleaning up his mess and he didn't even blink an eye.

I could have disappeared for an entire day and he wouldn't have noticed.

This became the foundation for our marriage.

Ministry first.

Sacrifice .... for what?

I had never felt so alone and insignificant.

After that it just kept happening.

All of this leads to last night.

We were at LifePartners and Travis asked Joe to do something that seems kind of small. He asked him to just check in with me; make eye contact; make sure I can read his spirit.

While Travis was just saying the words my heart was groaning under the weight I've carried for 5 years.

The weight of being invisible.

The weight of being too much and not enough at the same time.

And then, after class, Joe actually DID it.

He found me outside, made eye contact with me and told me he was checking on me.

It was probably the first time in years that I KNEW he was seeing me; that I wasn't overlooked.

It was so small, but my heart jumped.

Like I said before, women have souls of glass.

We are MADE to be known and loved.

We come alive when we are noticed and appreciated.

Our lifeless hearts can be resurrected by continual acknowledgement.

It is SO simple, yet rarely attempted.