I'm almost 34 weeks and little miss Daisy Belle is breech. It took me a few days to process how I felt about her position because I've never had a baby NOT dive head first as soon as they could! She obviously has LOTS of time left to turn and, trust me, she is an ACTIVE baby. Sometimes I wonder if she's trying to figure out how to turn around... or maybe she's an active zumba-ist like her Grandma Cookie. She definitely responds to music... and her family's voices. Daisy will kick and poke and squirm when she hears her daddy's voice, but she LOVES her brother's and sister's voices. It must be those gentle and soft little words of love and excitement traveling through the amniotic fluid to her tiny little ears. She is so responsive to love - and she doesn't have any idea who they are or what the world outside of the womb is like.
I've been dreaming about Daisy a lot. My midwife says that she believes that Daisy's dreams are connected to my dreams since we are so very connected right now. I dream about birthing her, holding her, seeing her smile, and even about holding her tiny hand through my belly. It might be a little weird, but it's also so comforting. I've never dreamt such deep and real dreams about my babies before they were born. And, considering how disconnected I felt from her at the beginning of my pregnancy, it is such a gift to feel like I already know Daisy and she already knows me.
I've also not felt even a moment of anxiety about being done with this pregnancy. Everything has flown by so quickly - I know I will be in labor before I know it. So, I'm just living in the moment. I'm preparing for her arrival, dreaming about her and enjoying my kids and husband before Daisy changes us forever.
My midwife suggested I read up about breech births and watch any videos I can find. She says some babies are meant to be born breech and if Daisy doesn't turn she isn't worried. So, I've been researching ways to try to get her to turn and watching youtube videos of natural breech homebirths just to prepare for the possibility of a breech birth. It's actually amazing to watch a baby being born feet first. I've heard it's more painful - but doesn't every unmedicated birth hurt? I'm finding that I am really not afraid of the pain this time. The pain of childbirth has never been the end of me. In fact, it has produced such joy, such comfort, such accomplishment. The reward far outweighs the suffering. Story of my life :)
Aravis wants to celebrate Daisy's birthday. It has never occured to me to celebrate a birth, but I love the idea. We're thinking of ways to celebrate Daisy's first moments. Obviously we're looking for ways to celebrate that don't involve mama getting out of bed :) If you have any suggestions send them my way! We can't wait to celebrate our tiny baby!
I'm taking a day off... sort of.
Joe takes Aravis to school on Fridays so I've been sort of lazy all morning. I don't mind that. :)
I'm laying on my unmade bed with the window wide open. The air is cool and fresh - this is my FAVORITE time of year! FINALLY the weather has turned! The oppressive heat is fading away and fall is finally sneaking in (it's seriously October 7th).
In a little while I'll get up and do some laundry. I'll do the things my husband said he'd do this morning and forgot about (i.e. the trash and a pile of clean clothes that are now lying on the floor thanks to his frantic scramble for a shirt). I'll make the kid's beds and clean up the kitchen. I'll make cds for my clients and work out an outline for the next Holy Yoga Masters call... but maybe I'll take Judah for a walk first. We haven't gone on a walk since the beginning of summer.
My point is that I'm still on my search for balance. I'm still sorting through the contents of my life trying to determine what is necessary and what is clutter. Today is a part of that. I'm taking a day off because I'm tired. I'm also going to do the things that need to get done... mostly because I'm free to do them or not. Picking up my husband's clothes doesn't define who I am or my worth as a wife. It's not MY job. And don't think I'm not annoyed that I am the one who will do the things he told me HE would do. But I'm going to do them. It just seems balanced...
I had my 30 week check up with my midwife yesterday. Have I mentioned how much I love her?
This entire pregnancy has been a journey of processing, uncovering and healing. Birth is not just a physical experience. It is so entirely spiritual. I've experienced the effects of spiritual blockage in childbirth (aka 24 hours of stop and go labor and a little post traumatic stress), and I am now so aware of the importance of freedom and peace throughout these 10 months.
Now that I am nearing the end I've started to think about what I want my birth experience to be like. This is my first homebirth and I am SO excited about the idea of being in my own space, surrounded by my family and close friends. I love the idea that my children will participate in the birth of their sister. I love that I won't be caged up in a hospital room for 3 days - missing my babies like crazy! I love that my midwife insists that I be nourished and rested for the actual birth. I love that there will be a pool of warm water in my bedroom to ease the discomfort of labor. I love that my husband has entered into my life in new and deep ways. I love that I won't be alone.
I'm really looking forward to Daisy's birth. I'm not feeling anxious for her to just get out. I'm not feeling even a hint of fear. I'm just excited. I remember the pain of contractions. I remember the helplessness of pushing. But what I remember the most is the sorrow of feeling abandoned while trying to produce life. And that sorrow is in the past. It is over. It's gone.
Daisy is coming into a new family. She is entering into the free-est space we've ever been in. She is coming into our lives like a fresh, new wave of joy. We are so happy to welcome her into our family. It seems like Daisy is bringing a new season with her.
This is a time of preparation. We are getting things ready, expectantly preparing for her arrival. It's good. :)
