New Spaces

I am in love with country music.

I love the imagery. I love the idea of wheat fields and old trucks; long front porches and strawberry wine; cowboys with dirt under their fingernails and thunderstorms on the horizon.

It’s an ideal life for me. It’s how I picture heaven.

And today I am sitting here listening to Wide Open Spaces. I’m contemplating the transformation that has taken place in my life over the last 20 something years.

Maybe there is a deeper reason for my love of all things country.

If you ask me what I want in life I could only say that I want a free life. Nothing less.

So all these images of wide open spaces, lazy summer nights on a front porch and laying on a truck bed looking at the stars are somehow my “intention”.

They are set in my mind, in my heart...

When I think of a free life, I think of a space without limits; an open and airy space.

Warm sunlight.

Trees swaying in the breeze.

No rushing. No stress.

Freedom. Joy. Rest.

Of course I’m talking about the IDEAL of country life... the hope of eternity and the joy that comes with it.

But, today, with the windows open and with an internally clean feeling....

I feel new spaces stretching out in me.

I Need A Hero

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:1-10

So, when I was researching for the content of the last day of Bible study for the Holy Yoga Retreat I stumbled onto this story.

Ah, how a good, fiery story can grip my heart!


"A pastor friend told me about the day a very disturbing telephone call came into the church office. A part-time staff member, who had been out in his neighborhood walking his dog, had been mugged, stabbed in the heart and rushed to the hospital, and was now in intensive care with virtually no prospect for survival. When the word spread among the church staff, they gathered spontaneously to pray. Standing around the communion table, each person prayed. My friend told me that he and the others offered sincere prayers, but mostly polite and mild petitions, prayers that spoke of comfort and hope and changed hearts, but prayers that had already faced the hard facts of almost certain death.

Then the custodian prayed. My friend reported that it was the most athletic prayer he had ever witnessed. The custodian wrestled with God, shouted at God, anguished with God. His finger jabbed the air and his body shook. "You’ve got to save him! You just can’t let him die!" he practically screamed at God. "You’ve done it many times, Lord! You’ve done it for others, you’ve done it for me, now I am begging you to do it again! Do it for him! Save him, Lord!"

"It was as if he grabbed God by the lapels and refused to turn God loose until God came with healing wings," my friend said. "When we heard that prayer, we just knew that God would indeed come to heal. In the face of that desperate cry for help, God would have been ashamed not to save the man’s life." And so it happened."
http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=3334

This leads me, with great joy, to a FIERCE Jesus. A passionate, energetic Warrior. A King who hears the CRY of the forsaken, the broken, and the lost and DOES something about it!

The Rescuer is someone comes to save us from danger, harm, or violence.

We're talking about a hero here.

This IS a King. This is THE Warrior. This is a scene from a movie.

This is William Wallace (if you haven’t seen Braveheart, now is the time!). His only love is wronged and destroyed, so he rises up - he takes a stand against the enemy.

But THIS King does not sit up on his horse, off to the side, overseeing the battle. THIS King paints his face blue and stands on the front lines with his people. He gets dirty and he risks everything to win the freedom of the people he loves.

If you’ve seen Braveheart then you KNOW that the last scene is powerful and, yes, spiritual.

Unlike our Hero, William Wallace is killed and he does not come back from the dead. His story is simply a shadow - it invokes so much emotion in us because it is a mere reflection of an even greater story.

In WIlliam Wallace's story he refuses to bow to the King who is the inflictor of injustice and evil. He is sentenced to be tortured to death - humiliated and mutilated before he is finally beheaded. The Queen to be, who loves him, begs him to take a drug that will numb the pain - knowing that he is going to be tortured.

But WIlliam Wallace spits it out and goes to face his death with a clear head. Throughout his torture he is tempted by the man destroying him, "Just say you were wrong.... just swear allegiance to the King and it will all be over."

He offers him a quick death. All William Wallace needs to do is surrender the fight; give up the one he loves.

William turns his head and makes eye contact with a little boy. He sees a vision of his murdered wife, the very reason he started the fight, walking through the crowd. He sees his men, tears streaming down their faces.

And then William's last breath comes in a loud cry of "FREEDOM!"

The people who have gathered to watch are stunned and William's men stand in the midst of them and weep for their King.

It is the most moving scene I have ever seen. Ever.

It is moving because Jesus is in it. The story that shapes our lives is wrapped up in this true story of a King who fights and dies for freedom.

Our King, Jesus, does more. He comes back. And THAT is what makes him the Rescuer.

We love stories of heroes because a hero defies the odds; a hero does the impossible; a hero stands up to the darkest and strongest enemy and WINS.


If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.
romans 14:8&9

Death has been the enemy from day one. Death entered the world through sin - it created a deterioration of human life. The body can only live so long when separated from God.

Death is to mankind what the King of England was to Scotland.

It kept us from a free life; it violated and threatened us throughout every moment of our lives.

Who can rescue us?!

How can we ever be free?!

Ah, there is a Rescuer. And he has come.

Our Rescuer, OUR King, stood on the front lines, surrounded by the sea of humanity, painted with the colors of freedom. He spoke words of courage and hope into the hearts of every human being who placed their trust in him and then he raced into the battle.

Yes, he was killed. It seemed like the enemy had won.

Imagine the sick feeling Jesus' followers carried in the pits of their stomaches. They, like WIlliam Wallaces' men, watched the complete torture and mutilation of the man they had placed the value of their lives on. He was the bearer of their hope. They loved him. They heard that cry come from the depth of his soul "Forgive them! They don't know what they are doing!"

And then they watched him die.

The Rescuer. Dead.

And nothing else seemed to happen. He was dead. Buried. Hope had died with him.

It was all gone.

But OUR Rescuer did MORE. The battle wasn't over. It had only begun.

We may never know what truly happened when the Spirit of God left the body of Jesus on that cross.

But we DO know that the Spirit of God came back into that body. Jesus came back.

Our King did not fail.

And in coming back, he paved a way for us.

It's as if William Wallace had thrown off the chains that bound him, jumped off of that torture table and marched into the King of England's chambers and killed him then and there - taking the victory and declaring freedom for Scotland.

Our story is thrilling, impossible, glorious and earth shattering.

It would be so easy to place our hope in a man like William Wallace, but those men cannot ever do what Jesus has done.

No man can ever make us alive again. No man can ever defeat the strongest, most terrifying power we will ever stand against - the power of death.

But the Rescuer has.


You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:6-8

We NEED a Rescuer! that is the point of BEING rescued! it really is not about getting ourselves put together and figured out BEFORE we approach him.

In our everyday circumstances we NEED to approach him with our battles, our struggles, our fears and our hopelessness. We have to see our NEED for a rescuer in every moment.

He came for us WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS!

This IS the story of a KING who is fierce and powerful; standing on the very front lines of battle, painted in war paint, fighting for the freedom of his people.

This is the King who hears the cry of the lost and frightened. He has never stopped moving to free us...

Freedom....

Help

Jesus, send me something.

Anything.

My children are unreasonable and constant.

My very human nature is seeping through the cracks and I am TIRED.

We are on this amazing mountain top - hope and expectation are rooting themselves down all around us.

We are full and overflowing.

But, let me tell you, the wind is stronger up here. The sun is brighter. The fall is farther.

Just tonight, in this small moment, I am shaking.

I am trying to remember that, even here, you are praiseworthy.

There is something beautiful to be found here in my fragile moment.

So, listen to the wild beating of my heart and lead me into a restful breathing.

Draw me away with you into a complete withdrawal from what is so terribly frightening.

Teach me to trust my emotions to lead me to you. Teach me to trust that my emotions are not the problem.

If I stop fighting me I can start hearing You.

If I stop looking inward I can start looking upward.

If I stop fearing me I can start knowing You.

Aaaaaaah.

Just what I needed.

To step outside of me. To turn away from my anxiety and loneliness.

I feel better. Thanks.

Professional

When God moved Joe and I out of youth ministry we knew he was asking us to spend the next year focusing on our relationship with him and with each other. After YEARS of working on sundays and actually feeling like it was stripping us of community, fellowship and intimacy, we finally had the opportunity to sleep in on Sunday mornings. We spent our Sundays playing with our then two year old, hiking, watching movies together, and connecting. It was the most beautiful season of church we’ve ever had.

People hated it. People that we really respected shook their heads at us... they still do actually. :)

But it just didn’t matter. We were following God and we didn’t really care that it looked foolish to other people...

That decision set us on a long road towards freedom and healing in our marriage. To this day we do not regret a single missed Sunday morning at church.

Not long after that my husband’s pornography addiction came to light. I knew that I would never have freedom unless I knew every single detail. We stayed up till early in the morning for weeks and I asked him questions. It was painful and crushing. But it was also, yet another, road to freedom and healing. (side note: how merciful of God to have already asked us to learn to love each other...).

People we respected and loved adamantly urged us to NOT discuss the details. A few men insisted that “she doesn’t need to know.”

I know that their hearts were in the right place, and maybe, for someone else, that would have been the right advice.

But what would have happened if we had listened to them and not to God? Where would that have led us?

At some point in life we have to step out in faith; we have to consider the well meaning advice of people, and then follow God anyway.

This is one of those times.

Most people won’t understand why we are taking such a big, risky leap of faith. I don’t blame them.

But it reminds me to be aware of when I am judging people’s decisions and lives. I don’t know what God is speaking to them.

God’s ways are not our ways. He works in an eternal and mysterious way. We can either trust him and follow... knowing we look foolish to the people around us, or we can fall back in fear, letting worldly wisdom stunt us.

The last few days have put so much into perspective for me...

I am finding myself slowly having to release all of the comfort and expectation I have for this temporary life. 

This morning I was cleaning the bathroom and thinking of all the things I don’t want to let go of.

And then I realized, I will have MUCH better stuff in heaven.

I see these shadowy, wispy things that are so appealing... I act like they are the ultimate.

I forget that they will stay behind. They will crumble to dust (maybe not the disposable diapers and plastic bottles... :)).

But will I miss them? Will I long for them?

I can’t imagine even remembering them.

So, what am I clinging too? Why should I even hesitate when God leads us away from the normal and nailed down?

Yesterday we went hiking as a family. Hiking as in walking on a desert trail. Judah, although determined, is not quite ready for a real hike.

At some point I noticed that we were all flushed, hot and sweaty. We stopped for some water and then Joe did something unexpected. He broke the rules. He led us off the trail.

Now, I was trailing behind, trying to hold Judah’s hand (although I was rejected almost every time because he can DO THIS), and I was nervous. Here we are tramping around in the desert, far from the known path.

I watched my kids and our dog happily following their daddy. There was no doubt in their minds that they were safe and daddy knew the way. Aravis even announced, rather proudly, that “daddy is a protesticle” (amazing word for professional).

It wasn’t very long before we found ourselves on a new trail - headed back to the parking lot and the safety of our car. Daddy knew the way. He knew that those little legs were not going to make it all the way around to where the two trails met, and turning around is no fun, so daddy made a way. It was amazing.

Amazing because God is taking us off the trail. He knows that we would eventually get there anyway if we just kept trekking along, but we aren’t strong enough. So, he’s made a new way; he’s leading us into the desert and our job is to simply follow with a childlike expectancy. Our God is a professional.

Changes

We’ve made a huge leap....

No.... God has made a huge leap for us.

We were afraid of making this leap without a cushy safety net. We hesitated. We fell back; back into the safe, dark arms of “maybe we can just keep going the way we’re going and never have to take a risk... isn’t it more comfortable here anyway?”

God’s grace has found us, stripped away the safety net that would have strangled us, and set us free.

Ah. Freedom. Terrifying and exhilarating freedom.

My husband has been laid off and we have found ourselves planted firmly on a wide and dusty road. This is new. This is strange. And, like I said, this is freedom.

Three months ago we knew God was leading us away from this job. We knew that it was time to start building our own business. We knew that we were coming up on this new road sooner or later.

We chose later.

And here we are.... fully arrived at “later”.

This is exciting. There is no doubt in my mind that my man can DO this. He is exceptionally gifted and intelligent. He can fix, or build, anything. He works hard. He is honest. He finishes what he starts.

This is also the scariest thing I have ever done. What if he doesn’t make any, or enough, money? What if we can’t pay our rent? What if we can’t buy groceries? What if this doesn’t work?

I feel like Abram, setting out for a new land with only the promise of an invisible God that this will work out; this will usher in new freedom.

I can’t imagine how terrifying it must have been to separate from the familiar and safe surroundings of family and security to enter a land of strangers.

Would they be attacked? Killed? Would they starve? Would they find a space set aside for them?

Would God come through? What would he expect them to encounter along the way?

Oh yes, Abram, I feel you. I wouldn’t say I’m fearing for my life, or the lives of my family, but I have no idea what lies outside of this familiar ground. I have no idea what is down this road.

But I’ve heard that same God call us out. How can I resist?

Brennan Manning said this about Abram:

"What is decisive at this moment for Abram is not a vision of the next twenty years, but a quality of religious experience, a present influence of God. This touches the core of faith; to believe in a personal God who calls me and leads me. Abram obeys that call. for the time being, the call is enough. Had he demanded to know more of the details and practicalities of the game plan, he would have demonstrated the antithesis of faith, for faith is never based on human assurances... The reality of life for christian men and women requires that they leave what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walk into the desert without rational explanations to justify their decisions or guarantee their future... Why? Soley and simply because God signals this movement and offers it his promise." (The Signature of Jesus)

So, we’ll go. Do we have any other choice? God speaks. We follow. I don’t even want another way.

I’m sure we seem crazy. We do not have “rational explanations to justify our decisions or guarantee our future”, but we have faith.

And faith moves God. And God moves mountains.

Feet in the dirt. Deep breath in. Looooong exhale.

“God signals the movement and offers it his promise...”

Movement

“Jesus said, ‘You’re tied down to the mundane; I’m in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I’m living on other terms. I told you that you were missing God in all this. You’re at a dead end. If you won’t believe I am who I say I am, you’re at the dead end of sins. You’re missing God in your lives.”
John 8:23-30 MSG


I’ve been a little panicked.

I have five days of Bible study to write in less than a month.... and I just haven’t done it.

I have one day almost ready to go.

That’s it.

I am too busy, too tired, too unmotivated.

I think about it constantly, trying to convince myself to tear away from my life for an hour to just DO IT!.

Don’t get me wrong - I want to do this. I am soooo looking forward to teaching Jesus at this retreat.

I’m just wrestling with ME.

I’ve been wondering what is standing in my way - why am I not jumping in to the beautiful waves of discovery?

This morning went all wrong. I woke up with raging hormones. I was crying, angry, bloated. Being a female has it’s downside...

Although, looking back, I can see that God stood in my way. He was redirecting me.

So, I pawned my kids off on my dad and rolled out my mat. I made it about two minutes before I was laying on my face, crying. Ah, holy yoga. Things get stirred up; broken to pieces. I found myself anguishing over a dream I had last night.

Sometimes dreams mean something. Not always. But sometimes.

This dream meant something. This dream meant that I was grieving over a lost friendship. This dream meant that it was time to do something. This dream called for movement. This dream was an incredibly holy and painful dream.

This dream meant that I needed to process something I didn’t want to process.

Sigh.

Still processing.

But I did something about it. I stepped out on a shaky limb, totally determined to act in love alone. love. love love.

After that, I opened the file labeled “Jesus the Son”. Day Two, here we go!

I wasn’t writing, or moving forward, because God was stirring something profound inside of me. I was wrestling with my humanity. I was living as if this life were IT. I needed to be reminded that real life is yet to be tasted.

And LOVE is the salt in eternal life. It is the flavor that beckons us.

Who Is He?

I think we have ben carrying around a distorted image of God.

We hold him like a crumbled and faded photograph in our pants pockets.

We pull him out to consider the lines of his face, the depth of his gaze.

We compare photos and nod stoically at the slight differences.

We roll our eyes at the people who carry bright and vivid tattoos of this god on their chests - we despise their boldness.... and we envy it.

We teach classes on the identity and theology of God.

We hold debates over the reality of the man in the photographs.

We tell each other that we must ask, in the right way of course, for this one dimensional god to “show up.”

He must be off somewhere, reading his scriptures and waiting, like an impatient Father, for us to finally use the right phrase to earn his Presence.

Ah, yes. We are the followers of a god who lives outside of His people, yet within the stone walls of a church.

This god makes some people holier than others; some people smarter than others; some people more lovable than others.

But don’t forget to swallow your disgust and shake the hand of a dirty and weary man holding a cardboard sign.

The god of the photos has demanded our sacrifice.

This god lives on the mountains of our lives; forever out of reach; completely intangible.

He cowers in the corners of our souls, waiting for his turn to speak.

The sound of our pride mostly drowns him out.

This god is more concerned with budgets and buildings; programs and teachings, than with the poor and the broken.

But we’ve made this god out of air. He is wispy and explainable.

He fits. He makes sense out of our five year plans.

What about the God of caves and valleys?

Of deserts and wild waves?

Of multiple identities clustered into one Being like grapes on a vine?

Of mystical realities we know nothing of?

Of timelessness?

Of fierce battle and unexplainable depths?

What about the God we cannot understand?

What about the God we have all been longing for, but have been overlooking our whole lives?

Is the god we serve the same God who breathed life into a man made of dust and earth?

Is this the same God who placed countless flaming stars into a perfect and precise pattern in the Universe?

Is this the God who defeated armies and crushed Kingdoms?

Is this the same God who sat with a broken shepherd in a damp cave and wove songs of hope and deliverance into his soul?

Is this the same God who sustains life and creation without every faltering or growing weary?

Is this the same God who separated and abandoned himself to rescue a feeble and failing Creation?

Because the God in the crumbled photograph who fits so neatly in our pants pockets cannot be the same God who holds everything in the palm of his hand.

Either we hold God, or he holds us.

In considering the lives we live, the community we call church and the hope we set our futures on, we must consider the God who sits on the throne of our very lives.

I ask you this question hoping that it will spark a very real and deep investigation - who is the God you live for? Is he a photograph; someone you know little about, but is easily served?

Or is he unexplainable, undeniable, breathtaking, the Rescuer, the mystical God of breath and spirit?

This is part of life on planet earth. This is part of the human existence. We question, we grow, we learn, we change.

So, let’s change.