Professional

When God moved Joe and I out of youth ministry we knew he was asking us to spend the next year focusing on our relationship with him and with each other. After YEARS of working on sundays and actually feeling like it was stripping us of community, fellowship and intimacy, we finally had the opportunity to sleep in on Sunday mornings. We spent our Sundays playing with our then two year old, hiking, watching movies together, and connecting. It was the most beautiful season of church we’ve ever had.

People hated it. People that we really respected shook their heads at us... they still do actually. :)

But it just didn’t matter. We were following God and we didn’t really care that it looked foolish to other people...

That decision set us on a long road towards freedom and healing in our marriage. To this day we do not regret a single missed Sunday morning at church.

Not long after that my husband’s pornography addiction came to light. I knew that I would never have freedom unless I knew every single detail. We stayed up till early in the morning for weeks and I asked him questions. It was painful and crushing. But it was also, yet another, road to freedom and healing. (side note: how merciful of God to have already asked us to learn to love each other...).

People we respected and loved adamantly urged us to NOT discuss the details. A few men insisted that “she doesn’t need to know.”

I know that their hearts were in the right place, and maybe, for someone else, that would have been the right advice.

But what would have happened if we had listened to them and not to God? Where would that have led us?

At some point in life we have to step out in faith; we have to consider the well meaning advice of people, and then follow God anyway.

This is one of those times.

Most people won’t understand why we are taking such a big, risky leap of faith. I don’t blame them.

But it reminds me to be aware of when I am judging people’s decisions and lives. I don’t know what God is speaking to them.

God’s ways are not our ways. He works in an eternal and mysterious way. We can either trust him and follow... knowing we look foolish to the people around us, or we can fall back in fear, letting worldly wisdom stunt us.

The last few days have put so much into perspective for me...

I am finding myself slowly having to release all of the comfort and expectation I have for this temporary life. 

This morning I was cleaning the bathroom and thinking of all the things I don’t want to let go of.

And then I realized, I will have MUCH better stuff in heaven.

I see these shadowy, wispy things that are so appealing... I act like they are the ultimate.

I forget that they will stay behind. They will crumble to dust (maybe not the disposable diapers and plastic bottles... :)).

But will I miss them? Will I long for them?

I can’t imagine even remembering them.

So, what am I clinging too? Why should I even hesitate when God leads us away from the normal and nailed down?

Yesterday we went hiking as a family. Hiking as in walking on a desert trail. Judah, although determined, is not quite ready for a real hike.

At some point I noticed that we were all flushed, hot and sweaty. We stopped for some water and then Joe did something unexpected. He broke the rules. He led us off the trail.

Now, I was trailing behind, trying to hold Judah’s hand (although I was rejected almost every time because he can DO THIS), and I was nervous. Here we are tramping around in the desert, far from the known path.

I watched my kids and our dog happily following their daddy. There was no doubt in their minds that they were safe and daddy knew the way. Aravis even announced, rather proudly, that “daddy is a protesticle” (amazing word for professional).

It wasn’t very long before we found ourselves on a new trail - headed back to the parking lot and the safety of our car. Daddy knew the way. He knew that those little legs were not going to make it all the way around to where the two trails met, and turning around is no fun, so daddy made a way. It was amazing.

Amazing because God is taking us off the trail. He knows that we would eventually get there anyway if we just kept trekking along, but we aren’t strong enough. So, he’s made a new way; he’s leading us into the desert and our job is to simply follow with a childlike expectancy. Our God is a professional.