38 Weeks

I'm still pregnant. Very, very pregnant. Which is okay. My midwife has suggested that I try to turn my frustration into acceptance. Much easier said than done, but I am really, really trying. My contractions have slowed down and that makes it a little easier to accept where I am right now. She also said that Daisy still feels like she's in the six pound range, so maybe she just needs to pack on a little more weight.

Here's the thing. I'm only 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I haven't even hit my ESTIMATED due date yet. There's no reason to get frustrated. Except for the last 4 weeks of contractions. Those suckers are a giant reason to get frustrated. How do you function when you have a contraction every 10 minutes... for 4 weeks?

In trying to change my mindset to one of acceptance and peace I've decided to focus on just a few things.

1. Snuggling with my kids as much as possible. I've been DVRing kids Christmas movies to watch with them while we snuggle by the fire or on my bed.

2. Making fun plans. If I have something planned to look forward to maybe it will make this time more FUN. For example: I really want to see the movie The Tourist. So, on Saturday, December 11th my man is taking me to sushi and a movie. If I haven't had Daisy by the 11th then I will have a GREAT date. If she's already made her appearance I probably won't really care about the movie.

3. Relaxing. I am super tense (due to the constant contracting). Mary suggested a half of glass of wine and a bath at night to help me sleep. I tried it last night and it really did help me relax enough to peacefully fall asleep. I'm also getting a massage on Friday and getting my nails done this weekend. Maybe I can blissfully float through the next few weeks :)

4. This one is the most important. Jesus. I am deeply aware of how badly I need the Presence of God in a thick and tangible way. As much as I have processed through this pregnancy I still carry some uncertainty and fear. I'm beginning to see that some of that fear can only be eased by the actual birth. I have such confidence in the body that God has given me. I KNOW that I can, and will, successfully birth my third baby. I'm not afraid of the pain. I'm not afraid of the contractions, or the back ache, or the recovery. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of the panic I felt when I realized that Joe was in the room, but completely detached. And that fear can only be eased by NOT being alone while giving birth. The birth itself is a part of the process. So, clearly, I NEED Jesus. I need peace that overwhelms my natural instinct - to withdraw and hide.

So, at 38 weeks and 2 days, I'm facing new things that are really old things. I am both completely ready and completely unprepared. I'm setting my intention and drawing from all of my yoga training. Breathe. Relax. Surrender.

And I'm still pregnant.