Day Three!

I wish I was back on that beach.... life is always better on a beach....

This cleanse is drawing out some VERY unattractive qualities of mine.

Unattractive quality #1: Anger. The best way to describe me in the last 24 hours is that I have been an out of control bitch. Plain and simple. I am MEAN.

Example: I was paying for my book and my magazine at Borders and the guy ringing me up decided to strike up what I'm sure HE thought was a witty conversation with me. Glancing at the photo of Britney Spears, he said, "she's going to die of an overdose soon." I was a little taken aback by his strange attempt at engaging me and said, "I think she's happier now." To which he replied, "Yeah, she does look a lot better now that she isn't all chubby."

It took all of my yoga training to not climb over that counter, grab that guy by the collar and yell, "What's wrong with being chubby?! And who are YOU to judge?!"

This behavior is not common. I promise. And, as my mom pointed out, my response may have been a little over-reactive.

I was just outraged by his judgmental and stupid comment.

Unattractive quality #2: Self loathing. Ah yes, here I am again. This old road....

Believe me, I've thought about throwing in the towel for the simple fact that my body image sickness is trying to raise it's evil little head again.

This is why I am not quitting....

I am detoxing on so many levels. Impurities, along with icky and stubborn heart issues are being pushed to the surface. Who I am in my flesh is coming out in full force. This junk is still in me. It has been brooding and determining which way I step. I have to get it out. I have to look it in the face and refuse to give in.

So, I'm going to stick it out. Jesus is IN this. I sense it. I taste it. I just have to ignore the temptation to make this about being skinny. I have to rage to my bedroom walls so as to spare my family. This is purging. It is cleansing. And I want to finally get it OUT.

So, I've altered my cleanse to make sure that there is no room for my self loathing behavior to resurface. I'm eating a potato and quinoa for dinner and I'm adding protein powder to my green smoothies.

Because this has never been about how I look. This is 100% about who I am internally.

I even feel a little better speaking the truth. This is freedom....

Tonight, Yeshua, let truth wash through me.... fill up those newly emptied spaces.... all for wholeness.... all for holiness....

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true
righteousness and holiness.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:22-24, 31 & 32