Day Two!

Ah, day two.

This was a HARD day. My kids woke me up with fighting and whining. They were both cranky and unhappy.... which was not a fabulous welcome to the day.

But, okay. I'm a mama. This happens. Brush off the web of nasties and just get the day goin'.

So we juiced. Carrots and apples. Yum.

And then my girlfriend dropped her little boy off for the day while she went to work, and I fully expected cranky Judah to throw a fit over the newcomer. But, no. He was actually happy to have a friend. Sigh of relief.

I spent the morning cleaning and eating lots of bananas (for some reason they are so amazing right now). Finally I loaded the kids into the wagon and pulled them to the neighborhood park. Holy Cow, was it a beautiful day! Fresh air, warm sunshine, slight breeze. It was amazing.

But I was in a funk. I had this icky detox headache and I was GRUMPY. This is how I knew I was detoxing. I had the detox attitude.

I've been thinking about this all afternoon...

I have such high expectations for how my life should go. I want certain things. I hope for certain things. Yet, I don't give myself the room to enjoy those things.

If things are peaceful in my marriage, I hold back just a little to guard myself from what is just around the corner.

If I'm enjoying the moment, or the day, I curve in around my heart to make sure that nothing will pierce me.

I want a free life. But I'm afraid of enjoying a free life.

Why?

After all of my juicing, smoothies and salads today I did end up eating a baked potato. That stupid headache was unbearable and I knew I needed something to ease it away. The potato didn't quite do the job so I took a few Tylenol. Great for detoxing, I know.

But, now that the headache is gone, I have a little perspective.

Things didn't go the way I wanted today. And that's okay.

My expectations weren't met. I hit a roadblock.

In detoxing, I was hit hard by the actual effects of detoxing.

Okay.

So, I'm trying to apply this to my incredible fear of "what could happen". I'm really trying to see why I am so afraid of being happy.

I have a few ideas....

But I have a feeling this is just between me and my Jesus....

Like I am afraid that he doesn't really want me to be happy.... like I have to convince him to let me live free.

What bondage. No wonder I need a complete cleanse....

In opening myself to the Spirit of God and asking for a deep washing, I am finding that I am icky. There are things in me that stink. I am a cranky, mean mess. Ugh.

So, tonight... I just want to sit and soak in this ....

When we trust in him, we're free to say whatever needs to be said, bold to go wherever we need to go. So don't let my present trouble on your behalf get you down. Be proud! My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit - not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength - that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all Christians the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:12-19